Saturday, November 28, 2009


I’ve been incredibly intimidated to write this post. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of love, disappointment, fear, comfort and insanity.


First things first: I met a girl. She is beautiful, and awe inspiring… and when I hold her my heart feels like it’s jumping on a trampoline. When I lay my head against her chest, I’m assured that she feels the same way. We’ve spent the last month doing a passive aggressive love dance… making out, pretending like it doesn’t mean anything, making out again, kissing with intensity and then laughing it off later.


And then there was last week. Last week she introduced me to her friends. I was so nervous, and as we sat there on the couch together she brushed my arm with her fingers and slipped her hand into mine. My stomach somersaulted because I realized that for the first time, I CARE about someone I’m involved with. I genuinely care what her friends think of me, I care about her feelings and if she feels good when I’m holding her. I hold her. I’m letting my emotions creep into this and its SCARY, and different, and new. It’s wonderful.


We’re both insomniacs and we’ve been spending every other night together pulling all nighters… watching infomercials, driving around, buying candy at the 24 hr Walgreens, etc etc. Over the past couple weeks my mom has been expressing concern that I’ve been spending so many nights away from home with someone she hasn’t met, so she took the liberty of facebook stalking my girl (she learned her stalking skills from me, so it’s my own fault). She saw that my girl is gay and asked me on Saturday if I’ve been questioning my own sexuality. I was stunned and speechless. I had not planned on coming out and I wasn’t prepared to do so… but I also wasn’t prepared to lie about it.


“I’m not questioning it Mom... I’m gay.”


She looked at me and after a long pause, sighed and said “Oh…. Okay. This is going to be hard, and it’s going to be a challenge, but we can do this. I still love you baby.”  By this time I was sobbing and hugging my mom like I was a 5 year old with a skinned knee. I begged and pleaded with her not to tell my dad, who walked downstairs in the middle of all this and saw my slight mental breakdown. He mentioned something about car payments and awkwardly shuffled away. My mom asked that I tell him but told me she would respect my wishes if I chose to wait. I couldn’t ask her to keep a secret that big, so I told her I would tell him myself. My parents left to go out to dinner and I wrote my dad a letter, packed a bag and left.

The letter went something like this, only about 3000 words longer:



 I love you, I trust you, and I’m about to hand you my heart. Please be careful with it. I’m gay. I know this is not what you want for me and this is not how you pictured my life. I know you support homosexual reparative therapy, but I ask that you please respect me as a person and as your daughter when I tell you that this is not something that can be changed. I wouldn’t change it even if I could. This is who I am. I’ve known this for years but I’ve been terrified to tell you because I’ve been afraid of your reaction, of the backlash my telling you this would bring. Please know that this does not change who I am. This has always been a part of me, it’s just a part I have been hiding from you. I know that our relationship is about to change, but I’m ready for that. I love you and I hope that someday, with a little bit of that liberal perseverance (haha) and a lot of faith, you’ll still walk me down the aisle. I won’t be coming home tonight. I want to give you time to think about and process this. I love you so much and that will never change, no matter what.

Love, Emily


I left around 6pm and picked up my girl. I didn’t hear much from my parents that night, and I slept at my girl’s best friend’s house. The next morning I got a text from my dad asking me to come home and talk, but I was too scared to face him. I went to work and somehow made it through my shift without messing up TOO many times, and came home around 10pm that night. I walked in the door and my mom looked at me and simply said, “He’s upstairs.”


I walked up the stairs, knocked on the door to his room, and went inside. He stood up from his bed and hugged me, and started sobbing. I cried too and we just stood there for a minute or two, holding each other and crying. We sat down on his bed and although he said he still loved me and wouldn’t kick me out or pull my funding for school, he told me he believed my gayness was just cultural influence. He said that men aren’t indispensable, that maybe I don’t like ALL men, but…. Worst of all, he said that if I prayed enough and read the bible, I could be “changed”. The God that my dad seems to know is SO different from the God that I know.


I left again that night and stayed on my best friend’s couch. Her parents were incredibly supportive and let me know that whenever things are hard at home, I always have a second home with them.


And so that leads me to what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving: I am thankful for love. The love of my girl, of my friends, of my surrogate families, of my siblings, of my mom, and of my dad (despite our differences and the endless fights that are sure to fill the coming months). I’m thankful for everyone who came out before me, who paved the way for me. I’m thankful that I was able to come home for Thanksgiving. And I’m thankful for YOU.


  1. Wow. I was looking for other people who enjoy boxing and stumbled in here...I wasn't expecting to be moved, but your post was courageous, unapologetic.

    I instantly thought of one of my favorite lines from any film, V for Vendetta.

    "Our integrity sells for so little but it's all we really have; it is the very last inch of us. But within that inch, we are free."

    You had the integrity, the sincerity to tell your family the truth when lying would have been easier. Despite all the hardships and inevitable arguments and life-long trials to come, you can take solace in knowing you took the road less traveled.

    Be free. Be happy :)

  2. I love that quote, and I'm so incredibly honored that my post brought it to your mind. Thank you, you made my day :)

  3. ok..i am slightly irritated as i wrote you a long deep response and it went POOF! lol..ok..maybe it wasnt all that deep.but it was good! :)

    So much to comment on Em! First off..I am incredibly proud of you for coming out to your parents. I know that had to be one of the toughest things you will ever do in your life, and it may not have happened the way you had wanted it to etc..but now that it is out there, you can breathe a small sigh of relief. You can finally truly be yourself without having to hide that. It's a freedom that shouldnt be taken for granted. And i know its tough without your parents supporting you, but hang in there. You have no control over how they respond, all you can do is be true to you and hope they come around. Sometimes when its right in front of you, what you feared the most isnt as scary as it appeared, we can hope that for them anyway.
    As far as you being bitten by the love bug...i am soooooo happy for you! It's so gosh darn cute hearing you describe all the feelings and emotions you are going thru..the trampoline etc..*S* I have been there and there isnt a better feeling in the world..well..laughs..yeah its pretty amazing.They should bottle that shyt up!lol I know its a new and scary and exciting thing for you to actually be feeling like you want to be committed to someone. It's not as bad as it seems is it? I hope that everything you are feeling now just continues and keeps getting better and better. Whether it lasts for a short while or for a lifetime, just live in the moment and enjoy it. (((((((((Em))))))))))))) Keep writing..i love hearing it! xoxo

  4. We should appreciate all the love more, or, at least I should. I haven't told my dad that I'm gay, only my mom. It's not that I don't believe he'll he mad or something, he'll just be disappointet that I didn't say something earlier. Keep the good work up, and remember all the love!

  5. Thank you! That's a powerful story.
    Thank you so much for sharing!

  6. Hi, I'm 16 year old girl, and stumbled across her while trying to find help. I think I might be bi-sexual, I think iv always secretly known, but recently I met this girl in school and we got really close, shes a lesbian, but thinks I'm straight as I have a boyfriend. I honestly have no idea what to do and am pretty messed up at the moment! Your story moved me, thanks do much for sharing! X