I just had a discussion with my father about homosexuality. He walked in as I was watching a news story about the ELCA accepting gay clergy. He immediately flipped a huge shit and said he was going to leave the Lutheran church. We talked for a good 20 minutes about everything, ranging from gay marriage (I told him I support it, he said over his dead body) to sexual attraction vs emotional attraction.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to write. I don't even know how to put into words the emotions that my dad has put in my heart.
I'm going to make a list of the things he said to me...
1. Gay marriage is not what God wanted
2. Homosexuality is a sin
3. Homosexuality is a DISEASE....
4. A same sex couple cannot effectively raise a child
5. He supports "homosexuality reparative therapy" and has heard "success stories"
6. Gayness is nurtured rather than nature
7. Women become lesbians due to inadequate emotional support from men
And a host of other things I'm too emotionally drained to write.
I don't know what to do. I'm so upset. If I were more independent I would say "fuck you" and move away but the fact of the matter is, I'm dependent on my parents right now to fund my education.
My worst fear is that if I come out to my dad, he'll threaten to take away my school funds unless I participate in some sort of quick-fix therapy. I can't do that. I won't. I just... need to fast forward 3 years to when I'm finished with college and able to move very far away. I could come out at my college graduation, shouting "I'M GAY!" as I walk across the stage to receive my diploma. I could.
I'm just scared. Really fucking scared.
All I want is for my dad to say/write/whisper... imply this:
Sorry for the huge downer. I just had to write. I promise next time I'll be mildly funny. :)